My rocky life with my rock

This past year has definitely been a challange for me...

I married my best friend and from that point on I knew I had someone who would constantly support me... not matter what I decided to do with my life.  What an awesome feeling :)
It was at that time that I started really thinking about where I was in my life and where I wanted to go.  Brian pushed me to find what was going to make me happy.  I had a wonderful man to complete me but I wasn't doing what I wanted in life.

I was working at Smiths full time as a Key Carrier (Customer Service Manager) and working 40 hours a week.  I was very much the go-to girl at that time.  If they needed help with Recieving... I was there.  If they needed someone to run the Service Booth... I was there.  Bookkeeping, Checking, Bagging, Bakery.... etc.  I liked being someone that people could count on but at the same time I was exhausted.  I had no life, I never saw my husband and I was starting to hate people.  Working with customers is harder than people realize... especially if they are angry.  Any of you who know me, know that I am a sensitive person.  Let's face it people... I'm just emotional.  So having me, a 5' sensitive girl, deal with an irrate customer... well, it wasn't exactly the easiest thing for me.  But I did it, and I handled it with the best of my ability even though I hated being talked down to and shown no respect whatsoever....
My favorite manager, Matt, who had been my boss since I started at Smiths, left right around that time to pursue his life somewhere else...  To be with his family and to find what makes him happy :)  Matthew has always been someone that I could look up to and not having him around was much harder than I thought it would be.  He was my mentor and in a way, my counselor.  He helped me when I felt like giving up and was often times the reason I stayed as long as a did  He showed me that I am capable of doing so much more than I thought I could.  Not having him around to vent to or to ask for advice showed me how much I hated my job. So... I decided to go to school to become a Veterinary Technician.

In January of this this year I applied at Broadview University and enrolled in the Veterinary Technician program.  I continued with Smiths while being in school and felt as though things were starting to look up.  There was a light at the end of the tunnel... I just had to crawl in the dark for a few years until I could reach my goal.  My schedule was crazy but managable.  A girl I knew from Smiths had also gone through the Vet Tech program and now works at Advanced Veterinary Care working in emergency situations.  She called me one day and told me of a position that was opening up that I should apply for.  I was super hesitant considering the fact that I hadn't even been in the program three months yet... but she insisted that I apply.  So I did!!... and they chose someone else...  I didn't think they would take me so I wasn't that dissappointed.
Later that same week I was working at Smiths and one of the my favorite customers and I were talking about our dogs.  I had mentioned in passing that I was in Vet Tech school and she immediately was like "well... I'm a vet!"  I asked her where she worked and she told me Advanced Veterinary Care (AVC).  I kinda squeaked and told her I had just applied there!  She said that she loved me and would put a good word in for me.  I smiled and told her I appreciated it, knowing that I had already been denied the postion.

What I didn't know is that she did put a good word in for me... and they called me back!  I went in on April 14th for an interview and started working there 2 days later.  I was exstatic!!  How did I ever get so lucky??!!!  This was a specialty hospital that only took the best of the best and I was working there! Talk about pressure.....

The first few months working at AVC was incredibly challanging for me. No, I didn't expect it to be easy.  Yes, I figured there would be animals that would die.... but I had no idea what I was getting myself into.   My first day there I saw 9 animals die in my 10 hour shift.  Some were old and it was just their time.  Some were hit by cars and we coldn't save them.  Some of them just... died.... their owners couldn't afford the procedures to fix them so they decided to euthanize instead.  I KNEW that it would be challanging. I KNEW that it would be hard... I had no idea that it would be THAT hard.  Every day for weeks I came home and would just cry in my husbands arms.  The things that I would see made me want to grab my kids (our dogs, Cody and Bailey) and never let go.
I wasn't prepared emotionally, or mentally to work at this amazing facility.  Everything was like clockwork for these people.  The doctors are FANTASTIC and are so confident in their jobs.  It was inspiring but I felt so out of the loop.  I didn't know... ANYTHING!  At school we had barely started working with animals hands-on.  I was still in the why's and what's of everything.  At AVC I felt like I was expected to know what was going on.  In reality, I was lost.  I felt very alone. 

During this time I was still working at Smiths and going to school full time.  My plate was full.  Work 10 hours at AVC, school for 4, work at smiths for 8, school for 2... plus homework everyday.  It was too much.  So I quit Smiths and went to AVC full time.  I wasn't going to give up this opportunity. 

After 3 months or so, life at AVC was easier for me.  I found my groove, I made friends, I was dealing with the death and was excited for the surgeries and awesome procedures that happen there every day.  I learned to seperate myself from my work and was able to cope better with what I saw on a daily basis.  I vented to those I worked with instead of bringing it home with me.  I asked questions and started to know where everything was and WHAT everything was.  I was able to place catheters and draw blood, I ran blood work, I assisted in suregeries... I had found where I belonged and what was starting to make me happy.  I felt as though I was making a difference. 

Unfortunately, working full time, going to school full time, and having a least two hours of homework for every 1 hour of class was starting to get to me.  Not to mention trying to find time for my husband, friends and family.  My school work was hindered, my sleep was deprived, my mood was all over the place and I was overwhelmed.  I had to make a huge decision.  If I went down to part time we wouldn't be able to pay the bills.  So it was either quit school and stay with AVC and hopefully move up through them or leave AVC, go back to Smiths, and focus on schoolwork to get my degree.  I talked to my supervisor and she helped me see that in the long run school is the most important.  She told me that I can always come back and there would be a postion waiting for me.  The doctors who own AVC said the same thing.  School is the most important.  I knew that... I was just afraid that an opportunity like this may not come again... ever.

So.... here I am.  Enjoying some time off before I go back to the place I thought I would never have to work at again.  Don't get me wrong.  Smiths a good company to work for.  I have awesome friends there and some of the customers that I saw on a daily basis felt like family to me.  It's just not where I thought I'd be after that first summer working to save up for a car.

I am not giving up.  I am not taking the easy road.  But I do, selfishly, need a break.  I'm taking next quarter off to help save up some money to be able to contine to go to school and to do some soul searching.  I need to relax.  I need to find myself and remember what makes me happy.  It has been a stressful summer... a summer I will never forget and an opprunity that I am grateful for.  I made some great friends and I learned a lot about what I can and cannot handle. 

My husband, Brian, is my rock.  I would be a mess without him.  He supports me to the end and I can't begin to tell you how blessed I am to have him in my life.  He reminds me to look up and not to give up, that I am strong and my heart is huge.  I love him to no end.  What a man... what a year.

Remembering

11 years ago when I was 14 I wrote a song for my best friend who was going through a rough time in her life...
I often times go back to that song as a default when I play my guitar and find myself in a different place.  I'm not 14 anymore but those words still ring true in my life.
"Where do you go when you have nowhere to turn?
In whom will you confide?
Who's words will be bring comfort
to this heart
frozen in time."
It got me thinking... no matter how old we are... we all have struggles, pains, and trials.
The song goes on to say that in the end you will always have "me" to run to, to confide in. "Me" to awaken your heart frozen in time.  "Me" being metephorical.  It could be a friend, a lover, a savior... In my life it represents many people. My Lord first of all, my husband, my family and my closest friends.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter how hard life gets or how much the world throws at us we are never truly alone.
I need to remember that...